‘Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage’ wrote the ancient Chinese philosopher and poet, Lao Tzu. And it was love, strength and courage that Calise and Chris drew upon when she was diagnosed with metastatic Breast Cancer (mBC) on her birthday in July 2020.

Four months prior to the diagnosis, Calise had just given birth to the couple’s third child. When she developed back pain, she was told by doctors that it was likely stemming from post-partum depression and was put on a course of medication to manage symptoms. Chris recalls that period as being incredibly difficult, he watched his wife’s struggle with not just the pain but also in caring for a newborn. They explored various treatment options to no avail, the root cause of Calise’s pain remained a mystery. It was only when a specialist suggested a biopsy, did the truth reveal itself.

Calise and Chris could not believe that she had been diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer; they sought second and third opinions but soon began to accept the enormity of the challenge ahead.

Chris notes how in the early days of their marriage, Calise and him were a tag team when they embarked on building a family, shared responsibilities were what helped them grow in their relationship. When the news of Calise’s diagnosis hit, they knew that their relationship dynamic might change but they could still manage the situation by trusting and relying on each other.

Calise and Chris share how their marriage hit a rough spot two years before the cancer diagnosis. The rift in their relationship was severe and it took everything they had to transcend that period and fight for the togetherness they knew they had in them. Chris explains how they continue to draw from the life lessons of their marriage in facing their latest challenge. When handling the diagnosis of metastatic Breast Cancer, Calise and Chris took a pragmatic approach to treatment and care. There is an understanding between them that there is always an avenue to ask for help; as Chris puts it eloquently, caregivers need caregiving too.

For Calise and Chris, the cancer diagnosis made them aware that being vulnerable with each other, was not a sign of weakness. Chris unabashedly states that Calise is his caregiver too, as they take each day together.

Everything is possible, says Chris to Calise who smiles in agreement.

Yi Jie was seventeen years old when his mother Crystal was first diagnosed with breast cancer. At that time, he was living away from home, and digested the news alone in his school hostel. He was not entirely sure what the disease was all about, all he knew was that his mother was ill. As the years passed, it seemed like she was getting better; so the young man applied himself to his studies to pursue his dreams. In November 2017, Yi Jie was midway through his second year for an engineering degree. The day after his semester finals he accompanied his mother to her scheduled medical appointment; Crystal had been struggling with a sore neck, so her son had offered to drive her to the hospital. It was there, sat together, that they discovered Crystal’s cancer had metastasised.

The young man swapped out his knapsack for knives and threw himself into the most pressing task at home; keeping the family fed. Crystal’s husband and daughter also lent support, but it was clear that it made the most sense for Yi Jie to take on a major role because of the flexibility he had at that point in his life. Through it all Yi Jie approached the situation as calmly and methodically as he could, because he knew that being a caregiver would bring challenges that are often not spoken about.

He shared his thoughts with his university’s counsellor, a pillar of support with an avenue for Yi Jie to express himself. Yi Jie then came to learn that there were other students in the university who were going through similar situations, but had never spoken of it aloud. That was when he realised that there still existed a culture of expecting caregivers to clam up and not share their feelings openly. Yi Jie strongly believes that it was talk therapy that was instrumental in making him a more effective caregiver to his mother.

Crystal’s eyes cannot help but glimmer with pride when she talks about her son, who reversed the traditional roles of caring without a second thought.

And Yi Jie? He completed his degree. And remember the company that he called at the last moment to decline his internship? They welcomed him back with open arms.

A secretary by profession, Pn Norlila’s life revolved around her work before she was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer (mBC) at the age of 45 years old. The mother of four noticed lumps in her breast that did not go away for months. Upon seeing the doctor and doing further tests, she learned the harsh truth that she had Stage 4 breast cancer that had spread to her bones. She was overwhelmed, stressed, scared, and lacked confidence to face the road ahead. Pn Norlila’s doctor had recommended chemotherapy as her course of treatment but she was scared and thought nothing could be done to change her reality. Her mind riddled with fear, Pn Norlila ultimately decided not to go ahead with treatment.

Pn Norlila shares that her will to embrace life with mBC stems from her family. Seeing her children grow up and being able to experience their milestones with them is what drives her. Though her children were quite young when she was first diagnosed with mBC, they have learned to become independent and are very helpful with household duties. Her third child has even picked up cooking and perfected the ikan sambal dish that Pn Norlila enjoys. She’s also had the pride and joy of seeing her two eldest sons graduate high school. With a renewed outlook to be more patient and approach challenges calmly, Pn Norlila knows that challenges are inevitable in life and has become more conscious of her choices. Her battle against mBC is not over and her treatment is still ongoing. If given the chance to change the past, Pn Norlila wishes she had known to seek treatment for the mBC as soon as possible.. She urges others to not repeat her mistake - act fast and do not wait. Further to that, mBC patients should also understand that it’s never too late to seek treatment. The importance of timely treatment coupled with regular health screenings, annual mammograms, eating well, and staying healthy are vital. Pn Norlila aspires to go back to her normal life, resume work and enjoy the simple things in life.

Pn Mashitoh made the decision to carefully curate the information and influences that surrounded Cik Bushro. She took away Cik Bushro’s mobile phone for the first few months as she did not want the wrong person to influence her sister, overwhelm her with information, or to get carried away with their advice. She has seen first-hand how some mutual friends had shared unsolicited advice and confused other friends who experienced health issues. Pn Mashitoh kept her sister busy by encouraging her to talk and focus on happy memories.

As an elder sister would typically be, Pn Mashitoh was protective over Cik Bushro. She only informed selected close friends, colleagues and relatives about her sister’s condition, and limited visitors due to the high risk of infection. She also knew the importance of surrounding Cik Bushro with positive influence, especially during the critical period. Though the rest of the family was shaken up, they all stepped up to support Cik Bushro.

Cik Bushro now lives in Pn Mashitoh’s home with their mother, and the family makes an effort to keep up a positive environment at home. Even Pn Mashitoh’s children no longer throw tantrums and know to manage their emotions around their aunt. Though sometimes Pn Mashitoh may be busy with work, she is thankful that her children are present to keep Cik Bushro company at home.

Those who meet Madam Wong for the first time would never be able to tell that she is a metastatic breast cancer patient. Quick on her feet and filled with quiet courage, no one would expect that Madam Wong was unable to walk on her own just a year ago. In September 2019, Madam Wong experienced excruciating back pain and her legs were numb. The mother of three went to the hospital and was told the unfortunate news that she had metastatic breast cancer, which had spread to her bones and lymph nodes. Her bone was pressing on a nerve that made it impossible for her to walk. During the critical stage, Madam Wong was unable to even lie down as the tumour was pressing on a nerve and she slept sitting in a chair.

When she first found out about the diagnosis, Madam Wong was in disbelief. The first thing that struck her mind was that she would not survive without treatment. She was told she had to undergo surgery to resolve the issue with the bone and nerve but had to wait for 2 weeks to heal before commencing radiotherapy treatment. Due to the severity of her tumour, Madam Wong chose to forgo the surgery and commenced treatment immediately, with 10 sessions of radiotherapy and oral chemotherapy. Regular scans showed that the tumour has shrunk a little and her condition is stabilising.

Her kids motivate her to travel, which she did by going on short holidays with some friends. With the hope to eventually go back to work, Madam Wong practices the philosophy of enjoying life as much as she possibly can. She wants other mBC patients to not be afraid – do not think that you will always feel sick. Madam Wong never imagined her turnaround could be so quick with such improvements. Her journey and experience gave her hope that she can continue life in a positive light. Life does not have to stop because of mBC.